Do you think the past year just went by ? Think about it a little more. When I sit down and think, I can write endlessly about everything that happened in 2018. It was the reason I am in a new city, a new home and doing what I am doing right now.
Since we are approaching the end of this year, I wanted to talk about how an year can change so many things and why 2018 has been an year to remember :)
A lot of people ask me why I paint botanicals and hand letter quotes. There is perhaps a deeper meaning to this than what I am ever able to explain.
A little back story, 2017 did not start on a great note. When you venture out into the unknown territory of entrepreneurship, a lot of things can go wrong, its a risk in itself but what we generally overlook is how lonely it can sometimes get. You start out as a one man army, work 24x7 and your little room becomes your entire world, at-least thats how it seemed to me. 2017 was an year of learnings and self exploration. I was literally out of motivation and for weeks, I struggled to get out of bed and dreaded the afternoons when I sulked and asked myself why I was doing what I was doing.
I desperately wanted to understand how things got so messed up in my head and instead of going for therapy I put a table in the corner of my room, stuck a few artworks, took out all my art supplies, bought some new ones that I had been eyeing for the longest time and started painting, a lot of it. I am in no way against therapy, but different things work out for different people and I found therapy in painting and working. I wrote things that I thought I needed to hear from another person and read affirmations out loud. I found peace and a weird sense of satisfaction in painting florals and sharing those artworks with people around and I loved the changes I could see in myself. After a very very long time, I felt at peace and I felt a sense of awareness. I wasn’t overthinking, I wasn’t thinking about monetising anything or how my career would span out. I wasn’t thinking about what another person was thinking of me. I was living one day at a time, one hour at a time and one moment at a time.
My only priority was to regain my self confidence, mental peace, health and I knew everything else could be later taken care of. I have picked myself up from what seemed to be rock bottom and I couldn’t have done it without my family or the friends who stuck by and I am forever grateful for that. 2018 started with hope, a happy work environment, new exciting projects, a new perspective to some old relationships, some new friends and a new sense of self. I knew it was going to be a great year, I could feel it and I wanted to do everything I could to make it better than the year gone by.
I decided to move to another city in an impulse. I am a sucker at impulsive decisions and I am always trying to plan everything in advance, but this for once turned out better than i expected it to. I think its okay to sit back, follow your instincts and go with the flow sometimes.
Before moving to Bangalore, having a studio and staying by myself was only a dream that I thought would take ages to come true. So, the first thing I want to do was to have an inspiring workstation. I knew I had to fit in a desk in the corner of my room but that was enough to give me a push. We underestimate the power of vibes and words and aesthetics and maybe these things aren’t even that powerful for certain people and they can work out of anywhere but I know for a fact that my face brightens up when I sit on my desk, switch on the table lamp, put some music and sit down with a brush in my hand and paints on my side.
Today, when I look around and see whatever little I have managed to accomplish, I feel strong, stronger than ever before and its a beautiful and sometimes surreal feeling. Its been an year of adventures, ups and downs, more ups than downs but most importantly I feel closer to myself than I ever did. I am extremely grateful for the opportunities this year brought, the people I met and the insanely supportive family and friends I have.
Nothing changed in a day. I did not wake up one day and realised this. It happened over time, over years, over unexpected not so great experiences and over numerous conversations. It happened because I worked day in and day out on something I really believed in.
I still somedays wake up feeling like a complete loser but atleast I am better at handling those situations now. The number of stupid things i do on a daily basis is insane but that’s okay, right ?
A pinch of thought in anything you do, in things you surround yourself with can make a ton of difference in how you live the bigger picture and everyone is capable of doing it :)
Ask yourself questions, write about what you love and what you don’t, you dreams and take the first step by eliminating everything that is probably in the way of your fondest dreams or makes you unhappy, do not underestimate the power of love and kindness, small gestures, reflect on the passing year and work towards your dreams with love and hope, every single day.
Make yourself your priority and I hope we have a ton of happy and embarrassing and silly and wonderful stories to narrate an year from now :)